Being a part of a broken family is something that a lot of people have a hard time accepting though they don’t usually show it. That one kid from a class, a workmate, or even that cashier from the store could all come from broken families.
And when you come from a broken family, it may feel like you’re isolated and cut-off from the rest of the world. Being so distant to your parents or a sibling often pressures you into feeling like you need to deal with everything by yourself.
Why? Because, it seems embarrassing to talk about.
So, to anyone who feels this, below are 3 tips on how to overcome the pain caused by having a broken family.
Big No to Blame
It hurts. It hurts because sometimes it’s difficult to understand why your family is like this, a broken family. Why you’ve got to suffer while everyone else is so seemingly proud of their families. Why it hurts so badly, when the other families get along so well. But mind you, it’s not your fault.
And I understand that it’s very hard to accept that. A spiraling mind of endless thoughts and loneliness with no escape often results in self-blame and guilt. That feeling that your birth was a burden and the cause of this whole mess.
But you’ll learn to simply accept that it’s not your fault, ever gradually. That you should not take responsibility for other people’s actions. There was a reason behind the separation of your parents or a broken family, and allocating blame to anyone isn’t going to help.
Okay, so maybe you had a sophisticated childhood, a rough start to a wedding , or maybe trouble with the in-laws. These altercations do not and should not define you. Accepting that you had to manage these kinds of encounters not only makes you a stronger person, you’re also wiser for it.
The biggest feat to overcoming any broken family situation is knowing that you survived. Although your past can make you feel as if you are withered and jaded, step outside of the past because it’s time to live in the present.
That being said, while it does suck to return from a broken family. You have to accept many things. You must learn to endure hardships and persist in the face of adversity. You must learn to face and deal with embarrassment. You know better to never mistreat someone as you don’t have any idea what they have to face at home.
Life is always just beginning, and healthy relationships are just around the corner. To you, a broken family may mean loss of your loved ones. But by embracing your family status, you’ll find yourself building stronger, healthier, relationships for the future.
Forgiveness is the decision to let go of resentment and vengeful thinking. It doesn’t mean you deny the other person’s responsibility for hurting you. It doesn’t minimize or justify the wrong. But it can be powerful, leading to less stress and hostility.
Forgiving someone for what they said isn’t always easy. In my experience, honestly, it’s one of the hardest things one can do, but it can also set you free.
When we physically separate from another person, it doesn’t mean the relationship is over. In the book Return to Love, by Marianne Williamson says:
“Relationships are eternal. The ‘separation’ is another chapter in the relationship. Often, letting go of the old sort of the connection becomes a lesson in pure love much deeper than any would have learned had the couple stayed together.”
In the end, these dark days give you feelings deep down that you will never be enough. But this very stuff that’s ringing you down will end up to be the shards you needed to repair your broken reflection.
Maybe things will flourish once and for all. Maybe you can get a second, third, fourth chance to a fresh beginning. But no, your foundation is creaking like antique hardwood floors.
Something inside you will always be hollow, empty. But every now then , beautiful things will distract you from yourself.
So, if you’re reading this and you’re the same boat as me, don’t let the small pretty details happening in your life pass away without you even noticing it. These are the moments that you simply need so as to grow again, take the method and own it as an opportunity for your rebirth.